dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
