he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
