Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
