4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
