Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
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