You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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