she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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