On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
