i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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