Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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