I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
