i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
