i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
