I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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