my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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