bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
