what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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