I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
