he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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