the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
