New low: just hacked my moms facebook
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
