so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This house was built for laser tag.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
