Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm at about main and main street
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
