I just threw up on my dentist
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
did you just send me my own nude
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
