so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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