this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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