spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
