My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
