still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
