That's when you crack a 10am beer
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
