She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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