you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
