so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
