I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
