So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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