i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
