it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
