i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
