and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
