Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
