I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
