Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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