Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
