respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
