is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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