Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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