I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
