Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
