I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
