I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
