it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
