Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you will always have a special place in my vag
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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