Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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