So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
