not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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