just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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